Crave Retreat I spent this weekend at the Newsong Crave retreat at Thousand Pines Christian Camp! I'd like to give thanks to the people who put the retreat together: Pom, Soon-Chul, David (and the other people I don't know off the top of my head). Sadly, I think Newsong's retreats are stigmatized as some type of greasy-hookup festival, more of a relaxing vacation retreat rather some life altering experience (i.e. Nexus), or having bland-water downed messages. Thankfully, I was wrong to stigmatize this retreat as other retreats, and I totally felt God's presence and His love for me as I cried out in desparation... Day 1: Friday (June 1, 2007) After coming late to the retreat (2 1/2 hr drive mostly because of the traffic on the 91 and those dark windy roads in the mountains where I had to drive 15 mph because of my poor headlights on the van I was driving), I was pretty tired. I remember after the short first session at 8-9 PM where Alex Gee spoke, he set the tone of the conference with the story of the bleeding woman in Mark. I think a lot of times we are the spectators surrounding Jesus, looking for some type of miracle to happen but don't reach out to Him. Then Alex started to go deeper with the message with how the woman was bleeding for 12 years, how her disease was something not taken well with the public because of their belief that she was unclean and a symbol of her sexual promescuity and as a result exclude them from society (Num 5:2-4), how it was impure to have a relationship with the unclean (leprosy, bodily discharge, and corpse touching) - let alone touching them (Lev 5:3), how Jesus STOPPED and asked who touched him despite the fact that he had things to do, noticing how Jesus does NOT become unclean by touching unclean people, how Jesus' holiness TRANSFORMS her uncleaniness, how he recognizes people's intentions to get to know him and rewards them.  I started to think about my own uncleanliness. Don't we all have some type of uncleaniness in our lives? A lot of times in my life I feel as through that I am unclean/terrible/etc... But Jesus doesn't think I am! He doesn' think we are unclean people but people who need to be healed. Why do we focus so much on our uncleaniness rather than seek reconciliation? After hearing this story, FAITH IN ACTION tells me that I CAN BE HEALED, even Jesus says to her "Your faith has saved/healed you." If you truly believe God can do this in your life not only be having faith that God can do it but having the COURAGE to act on it. Wow, through that he received her as her daughter (in a position having rights). I think a lot of times we think we can clean up our mess by ourselves, just like how that bleeding woman spent ALL her money on medical treatments or council. Then I get into this state that it is my fault and I am a failure. This woman was willing to transgress the religious authority, willing to step outside the boundaries of social behaviour for her faith. This woman was a strong woman. Despite her appearance, her gender and her status, this woman surprisingly provides Mark with an ideal model of faithfulness. After the message from Alex Gee, Rhian and Jane asked people to come up. I was caught off guard because my name was called because I didn't know what it was for (but didn't feel too bad because a lot of my friends were called up to). Apparently I was asked to be a facilitator! My first initial reaction was being scared of the fact that I had to facilitate complete strangers and that I had to go over devotionals with them and not preparing the study beforehand. Boy was I in for a surprise... The remainder of the time was spent hanging out with people and having fellowship with them. I had a hard time sleeping that night because of: the fact that I was not sleeping on my own bed (anyone else have that feeling to?) and that there was a symphony of snorers in my cabin. It was annoying and funny at the same time because it did kind of sound like a symphony: you have those low bass instruments (like drums) with those deep ground rumbling snores, the high pitched whiny snore (like percussion instruments), heavy breathing snores (like trumpets or the french horns), the "talkers" or people who talk in their sleep (like vocalists), the abrupt snorers (like that triangular instrument or the instruments with beads/sand in it...forgot what they are called), and the rest...ones I can't fit in the categories. I only had 3-4 hrs of sleep that night...  Day 2: Saturday (June 2, 2007) Woke up at 6:10 AM to the rustle of everyone waking up, apparently everyone else had a good nights rest! My small group guys: David, Paul, John, Wilson, Jim met outside at the benches. Boy, were there a lot of mosquitos! We had to throw down left and right as we were doing the study. Our morning devotionals went really well, I saw that a lot of the guys were hesitant to share but once that they see they people are opening up, the floodgates open up! Surprising a lot of guys were going through breakups, thankfully I've been down that route. I told them that God puts us together and breaks us up for His own reasons. If I didn't go through the breakup before, I wouldn't be in a position to share my experience, the need for dependence on God, the power of God's healing, etc with them! They should be encouraged to share what they are experiencing and not blaming God for their hurt but rather recognize that God puts us through these situations for us to learn, in preparation for what He has in store for us. Another hot topic for guys other than relationships is their job/career and how it defines us. Whether it was meeting other people's expectation for us, comparison of jobs/wealth, feeling empty with their careers, etc...was all something we could relate to! Next thing you know, after spending 1 1/2-2 hrs (it was supposed to last an hour) with morning devotionals we had to break for breakfast... One of my memorable times of this retreat was hearing Brian Kim and Michelle Jones talk.  Yep, this is the guy who was speaking to the guys about being a "Tender Warrior"
Brian Kim's speech was centered around "The Tender Warrior." He contrasted the pagan model: being raw, controlled by our appetites, independent, etc...versus the post modern definition of men: individual conscience (self), emasculation of masculinity, and our affinity to power/money. It was good that Brian compared the tender warriors to Nathaniel and Isaac. He characterized the tender warrior as chivalrous (knight in shining armor, guys, I'm talking to YOU...where has this gone lately?), a sense of honor for the opponent, a good amount of sensitivity.  Sadly, I agree with him that some guys fit in the "Peter Pan" category where THEY DO NOT WANT TO GROW UP (I see this a lot). Women want those men who can (1) COMMIT and who are (2) MISSION oriented.  Michelle Jones spoke of Ephesians on how "Husbands love your wife like Christ loved the Church." (Church is referring to us). It is reiterated that we should be a man of commitment, otherwise what's most likely going to happen is that the women will run you. Another thing I took to heart was BE COMMITTED TO THE RELATIONSHIP RATHER THAN THE OUTCOME (Yes ladies, this includes you). A lot of times people are committed to the act of marriage, successful outcomes, strong relationship, status, etc...rather than the person. Although it isn't bad to have a great relationship or a healthy relationship as a goal it is bad if thats your only focus. If we commit to the outcome rather than the relationship we don't allow God to work in our lives and to have those things revealed in your relationship naturally rather in our own accord. God will also not withhold good outcomes if you commit to the relationship. Stop putting God in a box! We also try to commit to a future event rather than the present (which we can't do because we can not be God who is omnipresent). Another great advice is that we are NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER FEELINGS. A woman's feelings are her own so once we try to manage her feelings we are trying to grow her in our own way. I am in this category where the guy might try to manage the girl/women's feelings because we have a feeling of guilt or don't want to hurt the woman right there. We ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR INFORMING HER FEELINGS, rather being responsible for her feelings. Michelle also pointed out how the "Men are hunters" idea does not work. We should NOT be hunting our own kind and we become numb by the fact that once we are done hunting, we move on to the next kill. Women are things that should definately be cherished... 
Lunch with Cabin 3b! Lunch was okay, food wasn't the greatest but it wasn't bad either. It was a lot of fried food for me, so I didn't have much of an appetite. Our small group was paired up with a women's group, Liz and Angie (the other girls were incorrectly assigned or something). It was great to meet other Noah's place people and it was also wonderful to know that she was a leader (she was the children's director for Noah's Town - I kept saying Noah's Ark for some reason...). 
Lunch with Liz and Angie (Go NOAHS!)
After lunch we had relay races, ones which were team oriented. These races consisted of: 3 legged race, chair relay, ping pong on spoon in mouth, dinner roll eating, and dizzy bat spinning. My favorite is almost always the dizzy bad spinning because you see people running across rather than straight. Its always funny to see them fall flat on their face. (SORRY FOR THE BAD PICTURES, BLAME XANGA!) 
3 Legged Race
Pom moderating...
Here's Howie doing the chair relay
Here's the balloon on face relay
After the relay our groups split: people who wanted to do the ropes course, paintballing, or the breakout session. 
The ropes course...
 Since I have not gone paintballing before, I decided to try it out (since it only would cost $10)! What a great deal! We would be playing for an hour and each round would be 20 or so minutes (thankfully we were able to stick in 3 rounds). The first 15-20 minutes we were given safety instructions, use of equipment, and rules of the game. Our first round was an elimination round, second round was capture the flag, and our third round felt more like a hail mary round...hahaha. I think I was happy that I was playing with people who have played paintball fairly often and the looked like veterans, I only came out of the battlefield with 3 welts on my left torso. The first round I felt like a wimp because I was staying back most of the time and I only used 25-30 paintballs (this was mostly shooting the last person while we were corning him). The second round I got trigger happy during the capture the flag. I felt bad shooting at people (especially shooting in the back as they were running to the bunker) but on the other hand I liked the sense of adrenaline as you were being shot at at the same time! On the third round, the organizers decided to shrink the playing field. It seemed okay but it was unexpectedly small. I realized this when they sounded the horn and we were to run to take cover. After taking 1 or 2 steps, I began to see the other team running at me! Since I am a big guy, it was hard to find cover that would suit me. I was stuck behind a slender tree and was sucking in my stomach for dear life! Sadly I was too big, the opposite team kept pelting the tree and I got hit on the side, ouch! It didn't hurt THAT much but it feels as though someone flicked you really hard (enough to lightly bruise you). 
This is what I felt like....=P
Pastor's panel discussion After paintballing, there was a panel discussion which I was very interested in! The panel consisted of: Dave Gibbons, Alex Gee, Michelle Jones and Suzie Crawford. I agree with Doug in saying that this is the first time in a long time for informal Q&A by quality people (life experience/biblical knowledge). I really appreciated everyone's frankness and willingness to voice their curiousity. It was really funny seeing the people who were sitting next to the people asking questions mouth the words to their friends "I was going to ask the same question!" It was also funny because I was one of those people who wanted to ask the question for "Is it okay to date a Catholic?" (Something along those lines) During this discussion, the Holy Spirit was convicting me to really say what was on my heart.
"What practical steps can I take to bring my parents to know Christ?" I shared how I was really frustrated with the fact that I wanted my parents to accept Christ on MY TIME versus God's timing. Dave was sharing how it took his dad a long time (20+ years) to accept Christ, and it took an extrenuous circumstance and God's hand until he did. I also remember John Tetter (the pastor I accepted Christ with at Intervarsity at a UCLA retreat at Catalina Island) speaking at the leadership conference on how it took him 15+ years until his parents accepted Christ. I started to cry when Dave Gibbons stopped the discussion to have everyone pray for my parents...I started to cry (Dang it! I am tearing up right now just typing this out)... I really thank everyone who was there in praying for my parents, I truly felt God's presence there... But God did NOT stop there, I remember 2 girls approaching me. One was a vietnamese girl (I'm sorry I'm bad with names, but I remember her face) who SHARED HER FRUSTRATION while I was walking back to my cabin (I cried so much my right contact moved out of my eye). The other time was at dinner time while I was getting a drink. Thank you for your courageousness in talking to me and consoling me, I will gladly pray for you too! Of all the people I want to experience Christ, I have a heart for my own parents to experience His love for them despite their own brokenness. PLEASE KEEP PRAYING FOR MY PARENTS TO ACCEPT CHRIST. I guess my question to all of you is, out of the people you know who are not saved, who do you want to extend your faith out to? 
Worship at the amphitheater...
Day 3: Sunday (June 3, 2007) Sadly, this would be our last morning together as a small group. Our devotional was on faith, so I asked the guys questions on faith in our lives. What is the purpose of faith? How do you see faith in your life? God's promises... Etc... 
Another group shot (David left last night)
This is Cabin 3B, the one I stayed at...
The lovely Malt Shop...
Kheng and friend playing table tennis
Wayne playing foozball (can't spell today)
David and me
Me and big Al!
Jen and me
Kheng and me
Spencer and me
Glenn and me
Me and Rhian
OCs Eleven!
Cecil me and Josh
Inspiration point! (The upper North part of the camp)
Prayer church?
Worship hall
Inside the Worship Hall....I love how the sides open up like garage doors, brings in so much light!
Random camp shot...
CLOSING THOUGHTS... I hope Newsong has more retreats like this, ones that foster a healthy environment to reflect, acknowledge, learn about our Christian faith. This includes various group events which promote working together and communication, finding great speakers with convicting messages, finding a strong worship team to lead, finding a strong group of people to help organize more of these events, and FINDING A STRONG SINGLES PASTOR. I hope Newsong church goers will NOT have a negative view on all of these retreats: that it is some greasy-hookup gathering, that it is merely a time for vacation rather than our own reflection, and that their own bitterness/negativity about these retreats results in a self-fulfilling prophesy. Highlights:
1.) The prayer and worship during day 2! Message was soooo moving and we were given freedom to pray or be prayed for; in any fashion! 2.) The new relationships that I made on the retreat. 3.) Acknowledging and confessing my brokenness (with much more surrender/desperation than ever) 4.) The pastors Q&A session 5.) The 2 girls approaching me about wanting their parents to accept Christ. 6.) Pastor Dave praying for my parents to come to accept Christ 7.) The sermon/speech by Michelle Jones and Brian Kim 8.) How Newsong may possibly move to Santa Ana (not set in stone) Not So Hightlights:
1.) The welts on my skin from paintballing 2.) Michelle Jones leaving for Atlanta, Georgia  3.) Wishing the retreat was longer...
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